There's a Gap Between Expectations and Reality—Try Not to Fall In!
An invitation to reflect on your writing journey
I’ve been thinking a lot between the gap between our expectations and reality. Expectations are definitive and time-bound. And in our mental chatter they go on and on. The word “should” comes up a lot. And when we don’t meet the expectations, dark clouds appear in our mental landscapes. Then the berating begins. We mentally express disappointment in ourselves… at least I do.
Reality defies expectations. It is constantly shifting. Sometimes a day feels like an hour and your barely get anything done. Other times, a day feels like forever and you get work, fun, and chores done with surprising ease. Our energy waxes and wanes, our focus sharpens and loosens, distractions roar and quiet. When we make to-do lists, we assume a specific level of productivity that may or may not be accessible to us when reality comes knocking on our doors.
And we don’t just have expectations for our days; we have expectations for our lives. In 1991, I published the first story I ever wrote—and I was paid for it. More publications followed. That early success as a writer convinced me that my career would follow a smooth trajectory from my first publication to a full-time writing life. Thirty-five years after my first publication, I’m still not a full-time writer. Have I continued to write? Yes. Have I moved from publishing stories to publishing books? Yes! Have I earned royalties? Yep. But I still have an income-earning life and a writing life—and they are two different universes.
If you’re human, managing the gap between expectations and reality is just part of everyday life. If you’re a writer, it’s likely that you’ve experienced some friction from your creative aspirations and expectations.
How Does the Gap Show Up For You?
Quick check-in: Here are a few ways that the gap between expectations and reality show up in writing. Which ones reflect your experience?
Writing is challenging: I have plenty of ideas, but I struggle to get them completed. The reality of writing is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.
Spotty success: I enjoy writing, but I can’t seem to get published. I know my work has something to offer but I struggle to get publications.
Ups and downs: I’ve had a mixed track record with success and setbacks. I thought I’d be further along by now, so it’s hard to keep dreaming.
Everything is perfect: My expectations and reality match up perfectly. I’m living the dream!
The fact is there is a lot inside our sphere of influence and a lot that is beyond our control. That’s life. At the beginning of my career, I was full of expectations—and my expectations weren’t just visions for the future, I believed that they were certainties. I was sure that all I had to do was work hard and I’d get there. Now, that I’ve missed the mark over and over again, I’ve built a different attitude toward writing. I’ve shifted my perspective from one of expectations to one of surrender and gratitude. I’m grateful that I’ve had success with my writing, and proud to have been able to develop my skills and identity as a writer. I’m also in surrender mode. I’m open to the opportunities that come my way, and I’m less adamant that my career as a writer turn out exactly the way I envisioned it.
I heard this quote once that said, “Don’t let your dreams ruin your life.” I interpret that to mean, don’t let your expectations ruin your reality. If you don’t get to be a famous author, don’t let that steal the joy of writing from you. If you don’t get to publish books, don’t let that stop you from exploring your ideas in writing, and finding other ways to share the written word.
